Why Are Men Held Less Accountable Than Women for the Sexual Act?

I am in no way bashing men here Ringo and this is not the point of the article at all. Read the news, read what men are proposing for women. Read and listen to Santorum talk about how a victim of rape or incest should view pregnancy as a "gift". Read about the laws that are proposed to take away a woman's choice. This is the theme, not picking on men. Write an article about abuses to men and I'm sure I'd back you up on that particular subject.

I didn't mean to offend you and welcome your comments, Ringo. It just seemed as if you were offended by my writings. Honorable men suffer from the acts of dishonorable men. I think it is a crime that men and women feel leery of one another and it often causes strife in relationships. When women are suspicious even when they are valued it is just as difficult for the man trying to be the best he can in a relationship. I find this a hardship for both sexes.

Ringo, it is unnecessary to attack another Newsvine Member for leaving out a word or having a typo in their comment. I am sure 58rose meant that the sound of your comment was indeed as Stev mentioned lacking in compassion. Please read my other comments if you misunderstood the tone of this article.

Ringo the words in my article stand. I simply felt if you misinterpreted them reading other comments might clear any confusion.

Real Facts, I understand how difficult it is to keep up on all of the laws that are introduced to governments across the country so your lack of awareness is not surprising.

No one is asking you to pay for abortion and this is something that has been alluded to but it isn't the issue. You've missed the point entirely on this matter.

Abuse toward women is still very prevalent and removing rights has been a big push for some lately. I am not an advocate for abusing anyone and have not made this part of my article. This isn't a man Vs woman situation at all, simply a plea for a more fair and balanced system where women are not accused of misconduct when they have not done anything wrong.

In matters of rape, incest and other abuses toward women it is important that a woman can be protected not maligned.

Women's health is important for everyone not just the woman. Removing choice or taking away services is not conducive to a healthy nation.

Here's one such video connected with banning birth control, abortions and the "personhood" proposal. There is a bit about "cussing bans" at the beginning but the information on these subjects is discussed further into the talk.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/46391123#46391123

Thanks, Real Facts! I just wanted you to see an example of some of the mindsets that are busy in this country. The "personhood" example is very alarming as how does anyone know the exact moment of conception? How could anyone feel that losing a fetus by miscarriage is murder or could even be considered murder? This type of legislation could cause such upheaval as we've never known. Again, will the female be the only target? This is something that concerns me deeply.

We're fortunate to have so much information available so we pretty much know what is going on. Those that are into hype and media deception will eventually figure out that they've been duped. Those that never do will be reduced in force enough that they won't be much of a bother any longer. I've noticed this quite a bit in my ultra conservative friends. They are acting a bit embarrassed about their previous outlook on the country where before they were tabloid fans.

Men, like you, McSpocky, that treasure your mate are a vast resource for change. You know that being best friends and working together as one is much more joyful than being the boss and causing rifts in your relationships. We all honor you greatly.

I absolutely agree, US. Enough is enough as far as I'm concerned also. There are bad apples but some of us are delicious and the delicious should not be thrown in with the bad apples so to speak.

Women and men that take the brunt of another's abuse is ruining the sacred bond we could have together. It is a big struggle to love in the first place and to put so much torture and abuse on top of this is just not right in my opinion.

Thanks, mstanley, the absence of the man's roll in this union bothers me a lot. Women are focused upon to take the entire responsibility for their sexual activity and pregnancy while the men are left held harmless. The majority of these laws and rules are made up by men so what does this tell us? Women need to be protected not maligned and punished for a natural act between humans.

Our society must wrap their minds around the damage this does to all of us, not just women. If men want relationships that are open and loving they have to put in a bit of effort themselves. By allowing this debacle to go on they are saying it is acceptable.

Perhaps some men think if they allow women to use their power they will misuse it as they have. They don't seem to understand that their abuse is what has created women that are resentful and mean-spirited toward them and if they hadn't created the monster in the first place there would be no problem between us. You cannot keep beating on a human without some sort of reaction and it can be that you break them or they retaliate. Neither of these results are desirable. Thanks, GA Girl.

If men want women to play fair they must play fair also in my opinion. I'm not in anyway down on men as it isn't their fault our society has condoned this behavior. However, many men are against this type of attack on women and the more that stand up and speak against it the better.

Women are the nurturers of our children, the mates of our men and we play an important roll in society. As it stands our efforts are brushed aside and criticized as if we are a threat not an asset. There is truly no threat and if women were treated better we'd all be more successful.

I am often amazed that some will complain about the inadequacy of women yet need to look no further than their own behavior and attitudes to realize that this criticism is misplaced. Any human that is in the habit of criticizing and demeaning another is not going to realize positive results.

When a mate believes that their partner is only there to serve them, raise their children and does not show appreciation how can they expect their mates to be content?

Great comments, DSKI, how about men that say they are sterile and a woman believes this and ends up pregnant? I personally know of cases such as this. It is not as if deceit runs one way that's for sure. Sexual partners are equally responsible bottom line. The "He said, She said" does not go very far and playing the blame game won't wash.

The bottom line for me is the gender wars need to cease. We are tearing each other apart, harming our children and creating a society of irresponsible members that believe they are being victimized by each other. Women take men to the cleaners, men take women to the cleaners and this is wrong on all counts. If we are going to be a more responsible society we must own up and do the honorable and expected for one another. As it is now there are plenty of men and women that hate and resent each other rather than moving on when an event occurs that tears them apart. I think this proves how immature we are as humans and this is unfortunate.

There are plenty of men stepping up, mstanley, and I treasure each and everyone of them. They are the champions in my opinion that will certainly help turn around some of the wrong that has been done. I just hope more and more will speak out and encourage others to do the same.

It was very curious to me that when abortion became legal that many husbands/lovers encouraged this procedure just stepped away from support when the woman went to have their abortions. Friends took them to and from the clinics and consoled them and gave them support while their men kept out of this part of the event. I kept asking women who made the ultimate decision to have the abortion and more said their mates not them. So men had control and the choice and the women complied to their wishes. That was a very interesting study for me.

It also keeps many women from reporting rapes also, Baron. Knowing they will be the target for inspection and pressure makes many feel they need to just suck it up and the rapist goes merrily on their way. I'm not disagreeing with your view at all as it is sound, yet feel there has to be a way that the victim is not made to feel so degraded that they are reluctant to take action when a crime has been committed.

Being raped is very traumatic and there is humiliation, pain along with a myriad of emotions so adding to this by being the "accused" and the "accuser" just doesn't seem to be the best path in dealing with this issue.

Does this apply to women also? I didn't say that the system must be changed only that the approach tweaked to allow some leverage for the abused. Would it be better that rape never be reported? That way the hospitals would be unencumbered by those needing to be examined for traces of penetration and harm? How about the expense of rape kits that some think the victim should be financially responsible for, is this reasonable? How about the involvement of the police, I'd certainly pass on this if traumatized. As a woman I'd rather take a beating than face such scrutiny after being attacked. I'd just want to make it all go away and let the rapist loose as it would seem his punishment wouldn't fit the crime anyway.

You have a very insightful Dad smellsofpoo and you listened to him and found the love of your life. I believe this is what we all wish for in our relationships. Thanks for your delightful story. Not all men are dogs is very true but the ones that are certainly wreak havoc on the reputations of the ones that are not. Perhaps by the time a young man reaches high school he should have a sit down with someone that is gentle and knowing and the same for girls then we'd not be in the disappointing situation we find ourselves in today.

And I thank you for your contribution.

The sexual experience is something humans enjoy and will perform. It would be lovely if respect were the first thought to come to mind when the urge hits. I think perhaps the attitude connected with the the sexual act has many confused so this has hampered our progress.

My mother was a staunch Christian and she said sex was "nasty" if indulged in when single and boring when married as it was only to procreate. I think this is part of the problem. lol

The cave and the club are not extinct it seems, smellsofpoo!

Your friend had good advise, Kara. I knew a man that was making $40,000 a year in the 70's and threw a huge tantrum because he had to fork over $175 am month child support and got the dependent tax credit to boot. He wanted every penny accounted for from the child's mother. Friends that knew him and her got on his case big time but he wouldn't relent. When the mother petitioned the court to allow her to move to another state as the father did not visit the child she gave him double the notice and he stayed mute. She was in the state less than 4 months when he petitioned to have his support reduced by $100 because she was "denying him the companionship of his child". The court found out what he was pulling and upped his support to $250 a month.

Both men and women jerk each other around this is a fact. However, the mature adults don't do this but the jerks get all the publicity and make the good men and women look like they are just one of the crowd of creeps.

When women's rights are threatened then this makes men look even worse and this is not healthy as it affects relationships even more. When anyone is afraid of losing their right to choose they aren't going to be in the best shape to be a good companion to the one that thinks it is OK to take away this right.

Thanks for your valuable input US and Kara.

The more we malign each other the more damage we do. Of course there are many that shirk their responsibilities and refuse to see the error of their ways. All this does is alienate women and men not build lasting relationships. Many of my friends that have divorced are very careful when speaking of the other parent. They understand that they must be cautious and leave their personal feelings out of the matter. At times this is very difficult but they refuse to allow themselves to let their emotions and hurt mar the relationship between parent and child. I truly admire these types.

What bothers me the most is we have become a society that plays the blame game without consciousness as to how we are harming the framework of relationships. When laws are designed to favor one side or the other we have a horrific imbalance that causes deep strife.

I am alarmed by how some state governments are putting stress on women for their choices and often wonder how men would react if their freedom of choice was constantly up for scrutiny.

Wouldn't that be a revolting development for men, warrior wheatman, and if a man is found guilty of rape or incest he is castrated and all guilty of abuse against women put in prison for life. All these barbaric and archaic means of control would certainly be an outrage and those guilty would feel this to be great unfairness. I wouldn't go so far as to think this is remotely reasonable, however, but if the shoe were to be put on the other foot I think awareness would be jacked up considerably.

What I'm hoping for is that those thinking a sexually active woman need to be punished will think twice and perhaps come to the conclusion that this is ludicrous. I know that if men were deprived of choice they would not stand for this but many have no problem when it comes to removing a woman's choice when it comes to her health and her body.

I did know what you were talking a about and needed a sarcasm tag for my abominable remark, Warrior Wheatman.

Now this "Personhood" thing is rearing its ugly head and all the religious that will never believe sex is a natural act between two people are trying to malign and demean woman once again. What would these men do if they could never have sex again for fear of being jailed? I think they'd open their minds just a bit, don't you?

Men know the risks of pregnancy as well as women and can protect themselves from an unwanted pregnancy. Few want to take this responsibility and leave it up to their partners. If a pregnancy occurs then they still think the responsibility belongs to the woman. They may insist upon an abortion but if the woman is against this they feel they are not responsible for creating a child. Many women go it alone, support the child while the father is free to do this all over again.

I have a friend that became pregnant, told her partner and he wanted nothing to do with the situation. She paid all of the expenses for her pregnancy, raised the child on her own and when he started college out of the blue she got a call from the father. This of course, was 18 years later. He wanted to get to know "His" son. We roared with laughter over the audacity of this man to think he could walk right into his child's life after he'd never had contact at any time in the child's life.

Susan, you are right on target with your comment. The continual assault on women has a purpose and those denying this are part of the problem. When we speak out we get smacked down as the benefits for some are too valuable to share. It's perfectly fine for some to be guilty before proven innocent and to prove their innocence must go beyond fairness. For others innocent before guilty is their unique privilege. Thanks.

I also had a personal experience and the remark made from a District Attorney after he read the offender's confession, "Why sully a man's reputation for a moment of passion". I understood then why most women do not press charges or report rapes. What's the point?

Hugs back, Kim, and thank you for your wise comment.

Being attractive is an assumed invitation for some men, Kim, and this is tragic. In the 70's I was a single mom so when my other single women friends, some also single moms wished to go out I was the voluntary designated one to remain with the children. I loved to dance and listen to live music so once in a while when my daughter was away for an overnight stay with her dad I'd go out with my friends. I couldn't believe how many men assumed women out for the evening were trolling for a one night stand. I was taken aback when I'd gently tell one of these types I was there for the music and companionship of my friends and not for the purpose he assumed and he would become furious. Often one would say we were "asking for it" by appearing in public looking beautiful. Others would tell us we were wrong to "tease" them by being out in public without a male escort. The attitudes these men had about women was astounding and I finally quit going out unless I could convince one of my male friends to join us and hang for the night. Some men think that if a woman is not with another man they are fair game. Of course some of the men are out there alone trolling and women don't automatically assume they are trying to have a quick roll in the hay so why should men think otherwise of women?

We do need to stand up and be heard, not only for ourselves but for all minorities. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be a "second class citizen".

I believe we must strive to bring back politicians that are not connected to other concerns that do not belong in government. The government is supposed to represent all of the people not just a selected few. To use women as a way to disenfranchise many is very harmful and in the end nobody wins. Women's rights have been slowly gained over the last one hundred years or a millennium and are very beneficial for all. Every one of us is valued and equal and to keep this in mind also means more freedom of choice for all. Focusing upon removing rights is probably the worst format any political party could ever have as our country is diverse with amazing humans and each and every one of us contributes something to the whole.

Gen, you are absolutely correct. The introduction of HMOs was designed to control and dictate health care and has proven to be a special interest that does a lot of harm to those in need. There are so many areas in this country that are ruled by the wealthy and the religious. They cannot be allowed to win. Although some do have everyone's interest in mind far too many are in for the financial gain nothing more.

Basically I see this as a group that wishes to manipulate everything in our country. I also do not hate men at all as there are many that feel the same as we do, Gen, and for those that understand we are blessed.

Politicians, judges you name it have been bought to manipulate and be puppets with those of ill intent. This is what must be stopped in my opinion.

I believe DisplayName and Gen that the answers come for making sure we know what's going on and standing up to what we believe is unfair and outright wrong. Education is the best source for knowledge so the more we know the more we can make changes that benefit all.

Men can change their minds when the baby arrives and is so irresistible they become totally enchanted. In the 60's men would become furious with their wives if they gave birth to females instead of males. Men didn't always hang out at the hospital while their children were born and when one man I knew was informed his wife had a daughter he had her parents take her home from the hospital and wouldn't speak to her for days. When she gave birth to her second daughter he stayed away for a whole week. Another man I knew would not allow his wife to stop birthing until she presented him with a son. Thank goodness after 4 tries he got his wish but the sad thing is he was a big game hunter, Mr Outdoors man and his son was very creative and not into this. He treated his son poorly and maligned him for his "sissified" ways.

When I wanted a child my husband announced that this would be my child and he wanted nothing to do with child raising. I could have cared less as he just have to endure "my" child as we were a team. He fell madly in love within a couple of weeks after she arrived.

I guess many men are indoctrinated by other males to think they should have reign over women and their choices. Too bad for them as they miss out on a whole lot of unconditional loving.

My dad was also a great influence upon me and a great example of fairness and balance. He was born in 1902 and married my mom in 1937. My poor mom was mentally, emotionally and physically ill all the time I knew her. She also cheated on my dad and I was the result of the affair. My dad didn't seem to mind raising another man's child and that was very commendable. He did warn me that my independent nature would probably get me in hot water and it certainly did but I could care less as it also provided me with a sound sense of self-worth.

Beautiful words, warrior wheatman and ones to live by. It is difficult for some to change but change they must as our planet is ready with open arms to embrace all.