Aging, the Challenges and the Joys

Grandpa Ben used to tell stories of living on the farm in Argonia, KS, and the things he and his brother Alvin would have to do. Stories of 15 cents for pounds of sugar and 5 cents for a loaf of bread.

Heck yes! I remember things just like this with a single difference which is that nobody had the money to buy them. When I took my first job at 11 on a farm for a grand salary of $10 a month, we sold our milk for .5 a quart and if you had your own 2 quart container we would fill it for.07. Looooong time ago now.

My mom's mom used to pack lunches for the "hobos" who rode the trains during the depression. They would have to do some little item of work, like sweeping the porch, feeding chickens, any little thing, and they would get their sack lunch.

My mom was lucky to have a job (she was a nurse at the time) and would occasionally buy meat to take home and put on the table.

Those are the things of my youth during the Great Depression and living in an unheated, without electricity house from 1932-36 in northern Ct when my Dad finally found full time work and I got my first real job as a cow boy on a local farm at 11 years old. I had to be opening the barn door at 3:30 every morning and start washing the working ends of 169 Guernsey cows oin order to start milking them by hand.

Really good stuff. We used to scavenge for half burned coal on the rail line that was a block away from our house. Every once in a while the fireman on the train would fling a shovel full out and the scramble for the stuff was incredible. We would save that in the cellar and on Christmas morning my Dad would fire that stuff up and talk about hog heaven. Problem was that my 4 brothers, my sister, & I could not all fit on the single register from the furnace at the same time. When we had food my Mom would fire up a wood stove in the kitchen, big black cast iron monster, and when she was done cooking she would put the fire out in order to save some for the next fire. No way to explain this but now thinking back those were the bad/good old days. My Dad was a CPA which in those days was pretty snazzy and moved us all from Vermont to Ct on the promise of a job that wasn't there when we got there.

I still want to grow up to be Peter Pan!

:-(

My dogs think I am better and better... the flat coated retriever, the most noble beautiful dog ever seems to get more and more attuned to me, and the little pit bull... well lets just say that every day when he challenges me he gives in to my authority a fraction sooner!

It beats the alternative - you're on the top side of the ground.

I'm not old yet. I know this because my mom complained about how, now that she's old, she stopped growing hair on her legs and is growing them on her chin instead. I'm getting them on my chin and STILL have to shave my legs.

So nope, I'm not old yet. Although my arms have gotten too damn short, so I need reading glasses now.

Heck, I'm really, REALLY old and get face hairs all the time that I shave! I haven't started shaving my legs though. :>)) Yet.

What about those thin wispy hairs that grow on your nose that you only notice when it's an inch long! I wish people would tell me.

Why does hair redistribute itself as we age?

FIN, I think your wife of many many years will leave you if you start shaving your legs!

Katrix, my arms got shorter this past year, as well. I now have cheap reading glasses in every room.

inch long! laughed pretty hard about that!

What about those thin wispy hairs that grow on your nose that you only notice when it's an inch long! I wish people would tell me.

Yeppers, and I know that it is there, too! Ya just ought to hear that sucker crack like a whip when I sneeze, hot dang! Mrs says that I'm gonna put out an eye one of these days for sure. :>))

I look rather good when not wearing my corrective lenses

I prefer dim lighting and an unrealistic self image. Frosted mirrors are helpful, too.

Sometimes I sneak into my wife's bathroom searching for a miracle cream. Haven't found one yet, in spite of all the fancy claims on the labeling.

I am reminded of a funny story many years ago. My family shared a single bathroom with 5 girls and four boys, including me. One day, my father reached into our overflowing medicine cabinet and pulled out a pink spray can, he believed to be deodorant. He sprayed it onto his armpits and it began foaming up. I recall hearing him yell out, "Holy Hell, what's this @!$%#". It was NAIR (a depilatory), not a deodorant...and a clump of black curly hair came off in the foam. Very amusing.

JS that's funny. After I got out of the hospital the last time we figured that I had lost about 40 lbs on this latest adventure but didn't really think too much about it until I got out of our shower and looked in the full length mirror. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRggggggggghhhhhhhh! I look like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, Holy Cow? And floppy skin all over the place.

I think that it is gender related because my arms are OK. But the gut is where they operated and that just simply hangs there looking at me. UGLY! ;~)) My waist line went from 42 to 36 and all of that dumb skin refused to follow. I now have to eat my way back and my goal right now is to be able to fit into my clothes again because I sure am not going to buy a lot more clothes for sure. What I do now is cinch up the belt and spread the pants out as best I can and throw a shirt over them and hope for the best.

Ya got me, 'cause the very first thought was is it ok for the crack to show? FUNNY!! Hey, great minds, eh?

I enjoyed reading all the comments here.

Let's just say that I am committed to growing old "dis-gracefully".

My mom is 89 and we talk on the phone at least once a week for an hour or so. She does go in and out of mostly short term memory issues but for the most part is alert and still the same woman she has always been.

I really admire her and her spirit and zest for life! She has been a role model for me recently as I've been dealing with getting a new roof on my house, the furnace choosing new years eve to stop working and other householders issues. She told me that the first few times she had work done on her house she got taken. She just admitted it and that was empowering!

However the next conversation she told me that she hates my house( a victorian with original wood siding) and I need to get a ranch as that is what's best for me. sigh...

clipped to Grey Boomers Unite!

None of us do. Glad you enjoyed it. Life is to be enjoyed.

Life is a journey, not a destination.

My grandmother was 88 when she passed away, and she still didn't have very much gray. There were still a lot more brunette hairs than there were gray ones. My step dad was 76 I believe when he passed away, and he had hardly any gray hairs at all... you really had to look to see any.

Meanwhile, for me, I became mostly gray by the time I hit 50.

It's good to be happy with what you have. :)

I do dye my hair once in a while for the fun of it. It been naturally a few different colors during my life, from blonde to brunette and everything in between. Now that it's gray I've tried dying it black, red (I'd never had red hair before), and blonde. And sometimes I just shave it off.

LOL I've seen people have problems with hair dye jobs. My wife has very dark brown hair and had tried to dye it read a couple of times with no success. I got her to try dying it blonde first, then red. Well it didn't turn out red either...it came out pink!

Hilarious, js! I started graying at 16, my sister too. We both had this skunk thing going on. I'm pretty much all gray now, but I do color it. My hun just shakes his head. If he had his way, I would not wear makeup nor color my hair. He'll watch me put makeup on in the morning and tell me I'm "just lyin' to the public." Makes me laugh every time.

I started going gray in my 20's. I hardly noticed though, since I was already dying it regularly (red over my natural dull blonde). Now I can see (at 41) that a whole LOT of my hair is gray. But I'm so used to coloring it I don't mind. I do hope it goes a pretty white (like yours js) before I decide to let it go natural.

I've only recently had to accept that I'm aging at all. My friends seem to be aging around me but the face in the mirror looked the same to me! And people regularly mistook me for my late 20's. But since I lost weight I'm looking a bit more my age (still pass for early 30s) and I can see the changes in my skin. Luckily I finally started taking care of myself in the past 5 years (losing weight, eating right, working out) so I am hoping to avoid/push back the more annoying aspects of aging. I don't mind getting gray and wrinkly but I draw the line at weak and helpless! My parents are NOT taking care of themselves and they are really starting to suffer (only 65 adn 68). I want to be a healthy, happy old person!

PS- You look AWESOME in both those pics js!! You must workout! You have that happy, healthy glow!!

I love the picture with the little ribbon in your hair.

It's always a delight stopping by, my friend.

Yes, you do look very happy. You must have liked the idea of sitting in front of the camera.

I feel like a 21-year old- but there's never one around when you want one!

Good one, Tina. That's what I say to my wife.

Kavica, you're another who I would never have guessed your age. You're sharp as a tack.

Have you guys and gals thought about a seniors group where you can teach us whipper snappers a thing or two?

Oh! I have such nice memories of being curled up on my grandmother's lap when I was little! She was MUCH more cuddly than my other, skinny, grandmother! She had one of those recliner chairs and I'd curl up and fall asleep with her. *sigh* So long ago, but still such a nice memory.

I was going to say that usually when you go for plastic surgery, the intention is to look younger, not older, :P

oh wait, I just did say that hahaha

Well hey, she can hook up with tom jones and they can come up with a show.

Vanity, isn't that one of the 7 deadly sins?

Don't forget Kenny Rogers-

He is literally unrecognizable.

Who's kidding who with all the cosmetic surgery?

I live in the mecca of plastic surgeons. After these patients get cut, pulled, sucked, stretched and injected, they all begin to look a like. Candy Spelling (one of my least liked clients) had so much plastic surgery that when she goes for a touch up, they call in an archaeologist to figure out what she used to look like.

Mr. Potato Man looks better.

Aren't we beautiful?

I think they are brother and sister.

They got a two-for-one deal with the scalpel.

Which one is the brother? :>))

I was surprised, FIN, to hear that they're divorcing.

I suppose they were tired of seeing their own "reflection" when they looked at each other.

JM, before we moved to Century City, our west side office was in Beverly Hills on Camden and Wilshire. Lordy, that was almost two decades ago, and I was stunned at the number of very young women who would look almost unrecognizable. All so very sad. I can only assume the number of plasticene women out there has tripled in number. My hun tries so hard to get me to stop coloring my hair, much less have plastic surgery.

Cobalt, it is such a shame when someone young gets their lips plumped up. I see it too often and it is becoming an epidemic.

I think they are all starting to look the same as this odd socialite. These people see no joy in aging gracefully.

(You're a big shot, huh, Cobalt...Century City & Beverly Hills.....??? I couldn't afford a parking spot there, let alone a house or office)

THAT just looks scary! Another thing about implants that is weird........when the woman lays down, her breasts don't flatten out at all. Just bizarre. :-)

You're a big shot, huh, Cobalt...Century City & Beverly Hills.....??? I couldn't afford a parking spot there, let alone a house or office

Why, yes JM. Quite the big shot. All of us biggies spend hours on the Santa Monica Freeway, complain about how much gas we use, and only window shop [Hey! inadventent pun on your business!]. No, I worked for a large firm in the L.A. office. My boss bought a house in Cheviot Hills so we went to our much smaller "west side" office in B.H. When they opened a Riyadh office during the oil boom, they decided to acquire much more floor space in Century City in the twin towers. My boss said, "you're coming with me, right?" No, I'm not doing that commute (I wouldn't lose my job, I'd work for someone else), I said. And it's expensive to drive there and park there, I said. He paid my parking and gave me a gas card. Never used the gas card because I felt guilty. But have you noticed there's not an easy way to get to either CC or BH once you get off the freeway? Either freeway. I'm injured because I've spent an hour or more on the freeway, but you add insult by making me drive ten miles of surface streets. He's still one of my besties. I worked for him almost two decades. One of the funniest people on earth. By the way, as can be expected, the Riyadh office closed many moons ago.

Isn't that poor dear's name [your link] Jocelyn Wilderstein or something like that? She should be my wing person during closing time. I always look better at closing time, but throw her in the mix, I kinda up my attractiveness factor. I'm sure she's a lovely person; too bad people probably can't see past the startling look.

But have you noticed there's not an easy way to get to either CC or BH once you get off the freeway?

Yep. No fun, especially with carmageddon on the 405.

That is the ever glowing Wilderstein. She's a two bagger. (put 2 bags over her face in case one breaks). Her surgeon should be jailed.

Great line, JM. Yeah, she's a Butter Face. You know ... her body's okay, but her face!! Most of me feels terrible about saying something like that, but there a little part that says "aw, c'mon! She's gotta know.."

I just went blind looking at those pictures.

I'll have to communicate in Braille from now on...

Tina, is that you in your avatar?

Talk about the joys of aging! :)

after watching that L.M.F.A.O. video, I don't think that young men should be allowed to jiggle either.

lol @ boogie board butt crack.

well I was more talking about the junk jiggling, not sure if you have seen the video.

I don't know, but if you are adventurous, then just go to youtube and search for L.M.F.A.O. - I'm Sexy and I Know It.

Dealing with illness is tough and being alone often is not all that bad.

I have been alone for 25 years and I am fine with it. It would NOT be fair to anyone engaging in a relationship due to this illness. I would NEVER want a relationship built around MY illness. I would feel guilty all the time. Therefore, my intentions are to stay alone. I have a couple of friends that I have a lot of laughs with. Its always so healing to laugh.

I'm pretty isolated here due to the loss of my vehicle to old age.

I hope you will be able to make new friends. Feeling isolated is troubling . Sometimes people feel isolated even with people around. You still have your male friend in which you both can go out and do things. I have a friend that comes and visits me 2 times a week for the past 20 years and we are just like sister and brother. We always laugh sometimes for hours. He has a great sarcastic sense of humor and so do I. So it’s a wonderful friendship. When one chooses a single life, friendships are vital to one’s well being. Two of my dearest and closest friends died in 1995, and my brother died a year ago today, so getting too close to someone can be difficult. I am so happy you have your daughter. That is a very important connection.

When I go to the beach everyone shows up in various sizes and shape to frolic in the ocean.

Ah, yes, Hawaii is more accepting of all sized people. Southern California, if your 5 lbs over weight, everyone stares at you. Pressure is intense here. Love the Beach... Love walking along the beach

What Video Jonathan? would love to see a funny one!

This one: "L.M.F.A.O. - I'm Sexy and I Know It"

AND NOTE js's 'review' of it lol.

lol@disappointed

It is ironic that some areas are so body conscious that any imperfections are looked down upon.

Consider seriously what our society would be truly like if we were all perfect in every way. Our imperfections are marks of character given to us by the Almighty. Those of us with the greatest number of imperfections are in truth also the greatest characters! ;~))

Nina, I am isolated but don't feel that way at all. I have great areas to walk, birds, a colony of cats and beauty surrounds me. I have a constant view of the ocean, a huge garden to tend to and lots of friends via Internet. I'm truly never alone.

I fully understand your feeling. Like you, I take great joy in watching birds, animals, and the full enjoyment of nature. Sometimes, I feel that I was born in the wrong century or area. I am never alone because I can still look at a 2,000 year old tree and stand in wonderment of what it could tell me if I could understand its language.

It is ironic that some areas are so body conscious that any imperfections are looked down upon. For me those types have lost their souls as the physical form is just a vehicle for us and if that's all we've got going for us we don't have anything at all.

I completely agree JS. I see wrinkles as lines of wisdom on a person's face. I see a flabby chin as years of experience and knowledge. I see age as just a number and that one is only old if they truly believe they are. I also look in wonderment at someone in their 70s or 80s and admire they have survived all these years. And I can fall deeply in love with someone who can keep their treasured heart sensitive even if they may need to protect it because of the pain they received from other humans.

I am still in awe of nature's beauty.

That was lovely Nina.

Yes it was, cs.

It would be lovely if more of us were able to look at the soul of a person and skip the outer shell.

It sure would be, Js. One of the reasons why I find Newsvine to be so enriching is because our words represent who we are. Our looks, age, disabilities, etc., are irrelevant.

I would have guessed you and FIN's age wrongly. When both of you write, there is no evidence of age, just wisdom, humor and experience. So, in some small way, the Vine is a paradise, where we can look into each other's souls and forget our shells.

Whenever I address this subject, I like to close by restating that our elderly folk are relevant. The Vine proves this.

And frankly there is so much for me yet to learn and you young folks are such good teachers, too. I suspect that I aggravate some folks with my stories, and memories, of so long ago now, but on the main, this for me is a pure joy since, being mostly housebound, you are all my window on the world for which I am truly grateful.

I suspect that I aggravate some folks with my stories, and memories, of so long ago now.

No aggravation, here, FIN. Keep 'em coming! There is nothing more precious to humanity than a wise, aged person, who still has their mind. Sometimes youth is wasted on the young, indeed.

I just took a quick peak at your column and see that I've fallen behind. Can't wait to see what you're presenting!

Oh My. so many responses and compliments. I am stunned. Thank You

Whenever I address this subject, I like to close by restating that our elderly folk are relevant.

Beautifully stated. JM

Nina, your outlook on life would benefit us all to practice. We are blessed to have you for our friend as a good friend you are.

Thank You JS. I feel honored to be connected to you and others here. Very nice feeling.

FlNutmegger

I suspect that I aggravate some folks with my stories, and memories, of so long ago now,

Not gonna happen with me, sir (and I don't care if you were an officer or not!) I just wish I knew someone like you that I could go visit around here. When I was a kid, I depleted all the local library books about operations in places like Guadalcanal, Midway, the Solomon Islands, Iwo Jima, Okinawa, the Flying Tigers in China, etc, etc. I just can't imagine the crap you guys had to endure. I for one would consider it a huge privilege to be able to hear anything you wished to share.

HydeWhyte & js-445607, thank you both so very much for your kind words of encouragement. The anonymity afforded me here has given me the opportunity to talk about those experiences for the first time since they occurred. js, my brother #2 was also a Sea Bee working on Guadalcanal when he took a head shot from a sniper. It didn't kill him but hurt him badly enough for them to send him home. Coincidently there were 3 of us on that island at the same time. Brother #2, the Sea Bee, Brother #3 draftee US Army, and my self bother #4 regular US Army, while Brother #5 was regular US Army in England.

js, you are lucky that he and his buddies were willing and able to tell some of their experiences. That took a lot of the steam out of their pressure cookers I'll bet. You were a teacher? Brother #2 that took the sniper shot to the head wound up teaching History at his local High School for many years and was an Adjunct Prof. in a state university at the same time, too.

FlNutmegger

That I can sit here and talk to someone that was actually on Guadalcanal is something I find to be amazing. That you and 2 of your brothers were there is just mind-boggling to me. I don't remember the specific books I read about Guadalcanal, I just remember being completly absorbed reading about the conditions you guys had to live and work in. There were the battles between the US & Japanese navies, fighting to get supplies and rations to you, shortages of ammunition, rooting Japanese soldiers out of their buried bunkers, construction and repair of airstrips under fire, putting plate-armor on bulldozers to help protect the SeaBee's against sniper fire, Mitsubishi Zero's and 'Betty" bombers, and the list goes on and on.

I know it might seem silly to some, but to this day I would still rather have to walk to work than have a Mitsubishi car. Yeah, the war ended almost 70 years ago and I wasn't even born yet at the time, but they still have the same name. I'm sure the Japanese still wouldn't appreciate it much if we had some company called "Little Boy" doing business in Hiroshima or "Fat Man" in Nagasaki.

I'm sure the Japanese still wouldn't appreciate it much if we had some company called "Little Boy" doing business in Hiroshima or "Fat Man" in Nagasaki.

When we went calling with those I was on a hospital ship in the Pacific bandaged from the top of my head over both eyes to the bridge of my nose, on my way home, after taking ricochet fragments to both eyes in Cebu City. The Aussie docs saved both eyes for me but I lost the vision in one but I still see pretty good for an old man. We naturally had never heard of an Atomic bomb so wondered just how it would play out. When Japan agreed to the unconditional surrender she was crying and all I could think of was, Thank God its done. Not too shabby for a 20 year old kid eh?

I take it you were part of Operation Victory II

Japanese & American missions against Cebu
December 8, 1942 - June 2, 1945

American Liberation

The American liberation was code named operation Victory II. The US Army Americal Division landed near Cebu City on March 26, 1945 after a large pre-bombardment by the supporting 7th Fleet ships. The invasion beaches were heavily mined, had anti-tank ditches barriers. Although reported by guerillas to the Americans, the mine fields were more of a problem than anticipated, knocking out 10 of the first 15 landing craft ashore, and killed and wounded many men.

Vehicles crowded the beach and engineers rushed to clear a path. The Japanese failed to cover the beaches with anything other than small arms fire and were unable to exploit this. After an hour, the minefield was adequately cleared and the liberation proceeded. After liberating Cebu City on March 27, the Americans met stiff resistance in the hills behind the city.

http://www.pacificwrecks.com/provinces/philippines_cebu.html

I'm glad you're still with us, and I'm sure you have a much better idea of what actually happened as opposed to some historical records such as what I posted. My dad was also in the Army during WW2, somewhere in the Pacific, but he never really talked about it. All I remember him saying about it was that he never peeled so many potatoes in his life:)

When I was young, my mom & dad were divorced and he lived in Texas while mom & I lived in south Florida. I never spent much time with him except for the occasional visit during summer break in school, so I never had much chance to talk to him about his experiences and I don't think he even knew I had such an interest in the subject. These days, I wonder how accurate my impression of him was. At the time, and for pretty much all of my life while he was still alive he was a heavy drinker, so my impression was that he probably didn't take much part and was probably just a short-term troublemaker to the Army. But looking back, it could very well be that his experiences in the war was just something he didn't even want to remember and could have been a major contributor to his drinking in the first place.

HW, let me simply say that these were my guys!! Americal Division

You guys are making me wish hubby was looking over my shoulder reading all this! He was a later generation Sea Bee. VietNam 1969-1973.

He talks about three things 1) How dang muggy it was on the southern most tip of that place. 2) How they built with the South Vietnamese during the day and some of the later bombed the runways at night 3) All the alcohol they always managed to have in stock.

Sounds like he had a much easier job!!

HW, let me simply say that these were my guys!! Americal Division

I can live with that. One of the things I always worry about with my stupid questions is digging up unwanted memories.

Rachel, I doubt there was anything easy about being a SeaBee in Vietnam. Those guys could throw together an airstrip or construct a bridge over a roaring river with next to nothing a lot quicker than modern contractors can do it with billions of $. I guess doing it with people taking pot shots at you tends to put some pep in your step: I know it would with me!:)

js, I always liked hearing about the daring exploits but the men who had to live it had so much hardship to endure it has to be extremely hard to talk about it without dredging up memories they would just as soon forget. I would rather not know than unintentionally make someone remember things they want to forget. If someone wants to talk about it I'm all ears, but if they don't I totally respect that.

Js,

bringing up unwanted memories is often the path to healing

That may be a good subject for another article.

That may be a good subject for another article.

Could be but unwanted memories are also one of the challenges of aging while wanted memories would be one of the joys.

Js and Hyde,

I've met Holocaust survivors and in many cases their memories are too painful, even destructive. In fact, one who I met, is writing his memoirs in his last years because doing so earlier was unbearable.

I still have some buried memories of horrible or tragic events that I prefer not to visit. My heart pounds and I'm returned to another time that is troubling to think about. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for people that survived abominations and now cope with nightmarish memories.

My heart breaks for all those whose lives have had such tragic moments. And a long, tight hug to you, JM.

Thanks, Cobalt. You are funny and sweet.

Back 'atcha, JM. For true.

JM,

At the moment I'm watching a show called Nazi Mystery/Twins From Brazil, about Josph Mengele. There's one I wouldn't have minded if the Mossad had caught up with, like they did Eichmann in Buenos Aires.

For Holocaust victims, I would think they would want as much known about it as possible but perhaps that is just a function of my personality. I can also somewhat understand the desire to forget things like that.

What the heck? Can't anyone sleep?? I've got to get up in five hours, and I'm wide awake. Again.

Maybe it's a Friday the 13th thing.

I think it's the Friday the 13th thing. Not long after midnight, Newsvine locked-up and I couldn't read anything. So I was playing with the flight-simulator in Google Earth instead. It was pretty cool pretending to fly around in an F-16 but nahh, it still sucks compared to the real thing.

Thought of you on the way into work this morning, Hyde. Carswell was in full swing, tons of contrails [right word, right?] in every direction. I was in traffic, so I didn't wave but I did give a mental shoutout to each and every one of them. It looked like a lot of fun; contrails in every direction. You know they were talking to each other; probably talkin' smack too.

LOL, yeah they do talk some smack I'm sure:) That's probably why you never hear the full recording from those black-boxes on the news;) I think contrails is the 'proper' term but there's probably more people that call them vapor-trails than anything else. Is vapor-trails what you called them before? I don't remember. Sometimes I do like to park where I can see them taking-off and landing, with camera in hand. I don't get to do it much since there aren't any bases near me. But I did nearly go to jail once for trying to walk up on a hill overlooking the flight-line at Bergstrom AFB in Austin back in '81, before it was closed and turned into an international airport. Luckily I was stationed there and was in uniform with my military ID! Apparently I tripped some kind of remote-sensor in the grass and a military-police jeep came bouncing across the field to tell me to get to steppin':)

If you're interested in trivia, Carswell AFB used to be a Strategic Air Command bomber base before it was 'realigned' and renamed Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base, Carswell Field (NAS Fort Worth JRB) and is now operated by the US Navy, but please, just keep calling it Carswell:) I wouldn't have a clue if you used that other mouthful of jibberish I had to look up to know:) I just think it's funny that the Navy has a base in Ft Worth:)

Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base, Carswell Field (NAS Fort Worth JRB)

Really? Never knew that. Hope others don't either because I call it Carswell all the time. If I weren't so old, I might try to remember that fact. But if I put new stuff into my brain, some of the old stuff falls out. I need the stuff that's in there now, so I won't try to memorize the name. I can try over the weekend though; won't need a lot of my old stuff then. Yay; I get another long weekend.

Good one, Js. I like your idea (trick).

There are solutions. When we believe in them and witness others managing to cope with worse memories, all things are possible. The key for me is to not lose hope.

js-445607 I have found HydeWhyte that bringing up unwanted memories is often the path to healing. Sometimes they have set in our archives long enough we can take them out and have a look again. Often talking about these painful memories takes the pain away as finally someone is actually interested in hearing about them.

With respect, this is one old man who does not want to open old wounds by talking too much about my past history. As far as nightmares are concerned, they happen, even now so long after they took place and no amount of discussion is going to make them go away or any easier for us to bear. They will end when I do. This is going to be tough but consider remembering the look on a man's face, and in his eyes, when he suddenly realizes, in that instant, as you pull the trigger, that he is going to die. The things that I persoanlly remember are their eyes. Some horrific memories need to be kept in order that somehow we will be able to keep them from happening again, as in the conditions of the POWs, and just plain people, that we found as we "liberated" their concentration camps. As we did that, seeing their pitiful conditions, and remembering how they had murdered my brother on Guadalcanal, just brought back the rage and made what happened to them easier to bear for they had, in fact, reaped what they had sown. How a person handles such things is truly a most personal thing and each of us handles them in our own way. There will be nightmares from this but, no matter the cost; it needs to be said since, at some level, curiosity becomes intrusive. I hope that no one takes offense at my saying these things for they are my opinions alone and yes there is a certain catharsis in being able to put my thoughts into words but as I said the memories are there still and as vivid as if it were yesterday.

I’m not sure if I have ever said this but the VA was stumbling and fumbling its way along when I went to them seeking help for all that I just spoke of and was summarily told to “suck it up” and move on. No one had even considered or heard of PTSD then and this was considered to be a weakness or character flaw if you will.

I understand you, Fin.

It must have been very difficult for you having to cope with your mother. My oldest sister feels similarly about our mother. She was 22 when my mother passed. I never hear a nice comment from her about our mother. I think my sister has a tortured life and has relationship issues, even though she has been quite successful with her family. Apparently, I was my mother's favorite, and losing her at eight leaves me with only child-like memories, which were filled with affection, love and happiness. I count my blessings, as my twin sister doesn't really feel the same as I do.

You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your parents.

Isn't that the way it goes?

Your father was a very good man. You are so fortunate to have at least one parent who was loving and sincere.

I love js's pop. And JM, I think the saying is you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose. Wait. That seems wrong. Let me think about it.

Didn't that have something to do with going to the theater alone so you could pick your own seat?

Here is a cute one I read today from Will Rogers'

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral of the story.

When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Oops, thought I was slang ganging when I posted 19.66.

But, to keep with this article, here is one from Will about aging.

"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks."

Aw jeez. And you're handy too???

I guess the wife does have some uses for me. When she, I mean we, got tired of the window-unit air-conditioners that came in the house when we bought it, just for giggles I got a $9200 estimate from a contractor for a new 3-1/2 ton central heat & air system (gas heat & electric AC). Then I went down to the AC-supply for the materials and put it in myself. That way it only cost us about $2600 and luckily my son is a licensed AC service-tech, so there wasn't a problem purchasing the freon-based equipment. It's been running flawlessly for nearly 6 years now, and all I've had to do to it is keep the 1" pleated air-filters changed out on a regular basis. Next Spring (that 2 week period in Texas between Winter and Summer) I think I'll take out the A-coil and squirrel-cage and give them a good acid-cleaning to get rid of any accumulated dust, so it doesn't clog-up and start freezing-up due to restricted air-flow.

How wonderful is that! Luckily I have a family friend in the a/c business too, but a handyman for all other things. Cobalto gets annoyed that my handyman does the simpliest things like replacing a switchplate, which I can do myself of course, but I decided I wanted dimmers on most of my lights. I have dimmers in practically every room including kitchen. I would no sooner want him near anything electrical than anyone would want me fixing their car. He loves his tools though. Top of the line tools, but he's hardly ever used them. Cobalto and his tools and my brother with his Ducati.

Wait! You get two weeks of spring?? If you tell me you get two weeks of autumn as well, I'm going to feel a little cheated.

We are funny about our tools, aren't we?:) Every Christmas I wince at the thought of what infomercial piece of junk I'm going to open and find, although I have to admit some of them are pretty good. But having worked in the trades much of my life, I'm pretty competent when it comes to AC, electrical and plumbing. The first thing I did to the house was replace the old 60amp electric-service with a new 200-amp service, from the breaker-panel to the weatherhead. The wife was a little nervous about that because she wasn't familiar with my work yet but now if I say I'm going to do some kind of electrical work she doesn't give it a second thought. And yes, I'm another one of those that HAS to align all the screw-slots on the outlet covers:) And a single-pole light-switch goes UP for on and DOWN for off, for all the other handymen that don't seem to know that! Of course, 3, 4, & 5-way switches can go either way:)

But with this whole aging thing going on, I'm not sure how many more shingle jobs I'll be hauling the shingles up to the roof on my shoulders. Sure, one bundle isn't a problem but when you're standing there looking at two or three pallets full, that's another matter:) Even at one bundle at a time, two full pallets will sho 'nuff make you think twice about it at my age:) Next time I might consider laying the felt and then renting a forklift!

Wait! You get two weeks of spring?? If you tell me you get two weeks of autumn as well, I'm going to feel a little cheated.

Sometimes I get two weeks of each...but only in the occasional good years between the el-nina's and el-nino's:)

Is the Slang Gang going to hijack this article?

Happy New Year to all the Slangers.

Nope, we've dwindled in number little by little. I thought for a second it was because I was boringgggggggggggggggg ... oops. Sorry I dozed off.

There are records to break, and when we commit, we commit.

Phsssh! The record we're breaking is how many times we can tell you how much we love you! Puh-leeze! We all do, you know. Love you, that is.

js, the mental picture of you 'risking' a sniff of your underarms gave me a good laugh. First we had scratch & sniff, now we have type & sniff, lol.

Wow what a neat thing to be saying. Good for you. I was 52 once and it was a blast. I am 87 now and the fuse has burned out. :~))

87? Dang, you're still a youngster! My Gram passed last year 75 days shy of her 97th!

Thanks FIN for the encouraging words! :)

eh eh mmm.

FIN, what's a fuse?

Did you mean circuit breakers?

/sarc

JM California, funny!! I'm gonna sit back here and wait patiently for a loud agonized scream coming from your general direction which will tell me that you just discovered that your fuse has burned itself out. Heh Heh!! Tripping the switch on a cricuit breaker ain't going to help get the power back on either!! Too much. :>))

by age 60 I got over myself completely...I love this, js!

Life is so much better and less stressful when you have this inner knowledge.

Makes me wince that someone speaks in that way to people I love. I left that in the early 80's. I say early 80's because that's when my ex stopped trying at reconciliation. Never could understand; if I said no, he went off the anger deep end. I always thought, "oh, that'll work; who doesn't want to be hooked up with that day in and day out." I swore to myself "never again." I chose wisely my second time out. That has never been an issue since. And you're right ... they are angry at themselves and use you to convince themselves that the anger in their lives is justified. It may never change but as long as you hold on to the realization that it's their own little life has a dark cloud over it and it has nothing to do with you, life is good. It has been easy for me because I don't have children. I really do believe that if my ex and I had kids, I'd probably still be married. Crazy, huh. I think he would have had an opportunity to channel his possessiveness somewhere else. He was so great; too bad he chinese water tortured me to death.

cobaltblue;, possessiveness in one mans book is dominance in another's. Marriage, as my Dad used to tell us, was a mutual admiration society of 2 and he was that way with my Mother. My bride of 46 (that's 1946) and I have patterned our lives pretty much along the same idea. Seems to have worked for us and when I am asked why I call her my Bride I have to respond that until our honeymoon is over she is still my bride. I wonder if it is too late to tell her that I think we made a mistake? :~))

Your old man was aces, FIN! But you already know I think that. It's funny ... when I make reservations for my boss that include his wife, I refer to her as his bride. I have always done that. They are forever brides, aren't they?

My problem was that I was so young, I thought his jealousy was adorable at first. We started dating when I was a junior in high school and he was in his second year of college. Two and half years later, we got married. Silly, thinking back on it. But we all got married before we were 20 back then.

My problem was that I was so young, I thought his jealousy was adorable at first.

Jealousy is simply a juvenile form of insecurity. Trust is where the success of any relationship lives. Without trust there is no bedrock with which to form a lasting relationship and its future is doomed. That my dear is the old man's philosophical statement of the day! I have seen marriages based upon lust where the partners didn't even like one another much less love or trust and that is scary. Like comes before love.

I don't think I would have minded the rages so danged much if he wasn't so appalled when I tried to point them out to him. And if I had a reciprocal point? Lawdy ... it was easier to tiptoe around him. Then I quit having fun. I wasn't having fun anymore with him. All very sad.

There's a weird chapter to that portion of my life. Two or three years after the split, his calls and unannounced visits were dwindling and I was so very pleased for both of us. During one drunken weekend, he was racing a dirt bike over dunes in the high desert of San Bernardino. He flew over a dune and was terribly injured. He was in the hospital with a broken neck and back. His male friends came over and begged me to go see him. Of course I would! My gosh, how could I not!! Before I could get myself together, the girlfriends of two of the buddies that were encouraging me to go see him called me. Both asked me not to go if I had no plans on reconciliation. I heard from even more people. Men wanted me to go see him; the women were adamant that if I didn't plan on going back, to please leave him alone. To this day, I wonder if I did the right thing by not going to see him. He did manage to go see my parents and my little brother after his release and rehab.

Like comes before love.

Absolutely, FIN! You're one smart hombre, to be sure! My current hun hasn't a jealous bone in his body. Of course, he knew the heck I went through before with my ex-husband. We were friends for eons first. I think that's why he's so secure and our relationship so sweet. He loves me warts and all. And for that, I'm thankful.

I wish I lived close to you and your bride. I'd be coming by with wine just to hear your life stories. What a wonder that would be.

Hey, if it ain't fun, don't do it!! If it ain't moving, eat it! 2 philosophical thoughts in a single day and now my head hurts. ;>)) From a personal standpoint, you did absolutely the right thing by not visiting him. His sort of personality quirks would read into that that you wanted to reconcile and would have caused you uneeded or wanted grief again. His guilt over that failed relationship which he knew in his heart was his fault is what made him go see your family.

I'm hugging you long and tight for saying that, FIN! When I start to cut off your air supply, just grunt. I'll let go.

Jealousy isn't in my book either, js. I've seen the sour look on too many people's jealous faces to be fall into that trap. Although once I got jealous when Cobalto and I went to a party and a woman was hanging all over him. My ex and he knew/know the "look" from across a crowded room. No one else notices, but they do. Cobalto makes a beeline over and asks if I'm annoyed. I admit I am, but he insists that it's her fault and what could he do? He claims I should be mad at her. Why would I be mad at her? I explain that she owes me nothing. But it passed in no time, and I was okay. It was weird. I didn't like the feeling at all.

I can't ever remember being jealous in the true sense of the word as it applies to relationships. I can remember being very envious, during the depression, when kids would go roller skating and I wanted to so badly but with no money, or income, there were no skates either. There was one year where there wasn't even shoes so none of us even started school, that year. I wasn't very worldly where girls were concerned because I went to work when I was 11 and when I was 16 I went to war. When I got home, at 20, I was the original hick but then I kinda just stumbled over my bride of 46 so what the heck, I'm golden. Come to think about it, and I honestly just did, I was the Radar O'Reilly of WWII except I was a Buck Sergeant with many too many scars.

I was the original hick but then I kinda just stumbled over my bride of 46 so what the heck, I'm golden

Oh, FIN. That is just about the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I'm almost doubled over from laughing at the adorability [I don't think that's a word, but I'm sticking it there!] of that. Omigosh, who's luckier? You or her? I don't know...I think it's a dead heat!

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up

Absolutely the best for it happens here with great regularity!! :>))

Now that's funny, FIN!

FYI: Found Your Insulin

That's funny, grandpa always said FYI stood for f'n young imbeciles.

Very funny Cobalt!

WMD (where's my dentures?)